kk, yesterday was a great day. found a friend that shared the same habit as me. hahaha. brillant. it really made my day even though im not supposed to be happy about it. haha. thats the funny part. other than that, its pretty cool. (:
however, today, just suck. like really it sucked so bad. why does it keep on lingering in my head and in the morning, wow, thanks a lot. ruined my day. i feel that i have totally lost control of many things. the word, "pathetic" really fits snugly into this issue. heh. im running out of steam. i know this is boring the readers but i have no choice. blogging makes me feel better. well, for the moment that is.
its difficult to face this issue head-on but i will try (again). if it fails another time, fuck me then. not literally, eck, thats disturbing but you get where im heading eh?
expectations vs reality. haha, its really hard to fix a definite line between them in my rollercoaster mind. okay, i have no idea why there's a "haha" in the previous sentence, I DONT EVEN MEAN IT!
my 500 days with summer soundtracks keep playing. it makes me happy in this depressing yet calming weather. okay, some weird mix again, depressing and calming arent even in the same category. wtf. thats how messed up my head is at the moment. i think this will be another word vomit but please bare with me and enjoy my garbage thoughts.
taking a quick glance at what i wrote, it isnt as depressing as my usual post. mmm, improvement? maybe. i hope so. i really hope so. i really really really hope so, okay you get me?
but sometimes, i just cant bare to leave this situation. but i have to, even if i dont, people will forced me to. its just that it will take a longer time to leave if im reluctant to. omg, stating the obvious. okay, spitting out whatever is in my mind. incoherent or not, i dont really give a toot. gay word there, toot.
okay, here's a scary thought but tummy feels weird and sick when i see happiness. like joy and happiness around me because it just makes me really sad. i have no idea why im even feeling this way. someone pass me a dose of prozac or some dopamine booze in my brain. i really need that. i need an excitory nerotransmitter of any sort. give me sunshine, people. fill me with love.
weird.
wow, thats a lot of thoughts there. im curious how much i can squeeze from my head into this tiny little box. im glad i created this blog 3 years back. been a really good tool. i hope people around me wont be too critical and anal to my current actions and my future ones. because i know im really anal these days. pardon me. sounds like im begging for sympathy. erm, i need nothing of that.
i just need a listening ear, an empty brain and not much of a vocal chord. processing is not really a key criteria here, actually, its not required.
im just a weird and an extremely exhausted person.
