i should really stop alcohol. its a damm double-edged sword. the temporal effects will definitely be an infinite surge of happiness but when i get to sober up, i get to this fucking low stage. its not how i envisioned my clubbing nights to end up. there's simply no rhyme or reason why im feeling this way now but i just feel really terrible.

sometimes, when you look back, you wished you didnt pick the chosen path but its too late. what's done is done, its irreversible. there's absolutely nothing you can do to change what have been made. there's a vacuum in me, yet there's something yearning for more. these rapid fluctuations in me are causing so much trouble or maybe its just plain me.

external influence opposes my actions. these fucking collisions are not helping me either. its really difficult to be in the same flow as the public. i want to get out of this mess.