and i was wondering, what am i doing with my life. everyday, 24/7, 8-5, typing, stamping, doing the most non-military nonsense. national service does not instill any national pride. what pride is there in doing paper work?
okay, now, in the wee hours and after a stupid zouk night, i realised that i have plenty of stuff to catch up in my life. i will state them out in accordance to their importance.
1. study and register for ukcat 2. do more reading up on medical history/current medical news/anything with the prefix, med- 3. start my practical lessons on driving 4. finish my wall art
the new year is coming but these are too important for any new year's resolution. fuck that shit. i really need to settle these stuff. the more i think of my ukcat, the more afraid i am. im really worried about my university placing and the course im intending to take. however, am i really sure about studying medicine?
i really do not know. this is the part that scares the living shit out of me. and as you can see, i hardly blog, so this post is really unsettling me quite a bit and i hate it. i hate how the world and society is moving so bloody fast and everyone needs to be materialistic to survive. its fucking going against the laws of nature.
what happened to just the simple law of procreating for the ultimate survival in the wilderness. fuck man. why must man evolve to this extent. motherfuckers. i swear i will smash the man who found whats fire or invented the wheel. these motherfuckers just gave us the stepping stone to fuck our lives up.
as i have said in earlier, i mean really earlier posts, i really do want to live in the 1980's and early 90's. those years look really nice. dont ask me why but when i looked at my parents' photos, i just have this feeling that i will be happier then. or rather, it will be really interesting.
i dont know whats going in me but its just a mess up here. im confused. paranoid. worried. frustrated. this is really annoying. perhaps, i just need sleep. i really detest how people are telling me to do or what to do. the more they tell me, the more i feel less likely to do what i am told. i know im pretty fucked up. not obeying higher authority but i just dont know whats going on it me.
i fear im returning to the old days whereby the simple question, what's life?, causes a huge fucking wave of emotions in me.
its really late and there's pot luck at mandy's tomorrow for lunch. im really scrapping rock bottom at all ends. fml. and merry christmas and a happy new year. fuck off.
