hi 2012. its been a long while since i touched you, blog. okay, i know it is definitely way to late to welcome 2012 but whatever. hmm, i did created a new blog or two but i have decided to close them down. i just cannot bear to leave my gnepland hanging here with nothing. i am emotionally attached to this site and i shall not leave it to rot.
well, i left this blog long enough for it to become unknown once again. the guys dont even know i have a blog. funny thing that i didnt tell them this. so anyway, you know why i am here again. another emotional burst. so i dont know whats up for me but i wont explain it in detail here because getting reminded of it gets me. lol. i think i recall myself typing on a lot on the escapism theory, definitely not the best theory in the world. i dont even know why am i still using it. SO here comes the juice.
aaron came over yesterday to stayover since both of us are wrecked as hell. it was supposed to be beneficial for both of us since we both feel like shit and we both need company. so the plan was to watch a show on my hard disk and fall asleep or something but 10 mins throughout the show, aaron's xenex kicked in and he was like, uhhh peng, i need to sleep man, im so tired. so BAM, he knocked out, leaving me next to him on the bed with a mind of a wild horse.
so i went on a rant on the chat and decided it was best for me to formulate a closure letter for rach. wasnt too good a time writing it. it was a difficult letter to piece up and i am sure it isnt pleasant to read. my heart and mind died while composing it. it was a self-massacre but i had to do it, it did take some stress out but my head is still a salad bowl of emotions. so messy eeyer. and oh my god, when i finished the millions of drafts that ended up as paper balls, it was 3.30am and i had to wake up at 6am for camp. surprisingly, a blessing in disguise, what made my mind churned took the fatigue away when i woke up. thank god that happened.
i have issues man. haha. i have always been doing this self-jacked shit in relationships. doubt anyone can take that bullshit from me anyway from what it seems. i feel shit if anyone do so but i need .. aiyoh. i am confused once again. give me 200,000 usd to fly to space. that will solve the problem. earth will just look like a giant blueberry and not 6billion people. okay, i shall stop on this.
oh wait. to make this week worse. my whole family is in australia less my dad. however, he doesnt come home every night. so you can see how i am dying here in singapore. i feel wasted in my head. that is how bad this situation has turned out and the funniest thing is that, i chose it. it need not be this way but i thought it was the better solution(then). haha. another foolish selfish decision that i regret. OKAY ENOUGH.
and if you do wonder why i am not in aussie. it is because I DO NOT HAVE FUCKING LEAVES FROM THE FUCKING ARMY TO GO. :(
:( i am sorry rach. well, it just makes me feel better that i am saying this again despite writing it out countlessly. well, i am sorry that i have written this letter for my sake. i think you might feel this way. i am assuming you would. it is only natural. i am sorry. --------------
