it is 2.30 in the morning. i cannot sleep. been trying to figure out whats wrong with me. my mind is in a mess. i feel horrible inside. i keep wanting to pen down on my thoughts on a paper and throw it away. to add to this tragedy, i cannot find a pen. what an utter joke.
the guys do not know how bad my situation is. whenever i meet them, these feelings disappear or lessen. they are my temporal medicine for my head. words turned into air when im with them. this emotional tumble resonates the emotional rollercoaster i went through last late aug/sept. i hate how vulnerable i am towards such stuff.
at times, i wished it all did not start. "better love and lost than not tried it at all". i still remember those words. i guess they are in effect for you now. honestly, i am bitter. very bitter for that decision. how do i take it back? how do i swallow my words back? can spilled milk be contained in its carton again? this sounds so stupid to an outsider reading it. "oh boy, just another puppy love gone sour." i do sound really delusional and it scares me. i can never recall myself behaving as such. she is still important and yes, i miss showing and telling her how important she is to me.
i shall stop. glad i typed it all out. but this time round, i need to find myself a proper pen.
