MUACKS! =)

2011-10-31T03:57:00.000-07:00

really very tired now. duty on sundays really drains the shit out of you.

hmm, a lot have been going on. i need a ticket. so many unfinished issues on my list. so much confusion. i need a direction input. its a low period.

on the other hand, i have downloaded quite a number of songs to kill time when i'm home. been quite successful with the quality of music. i think that's the only thing im on a roll on now. really pathethic.

i stink. smells like an animal now. will update soon enough. its time to take a long awaited shower.

"she's a lively bit of crumpet"- Saint Jack, Paul Theroux

that by the way is stuck in my head. i really want to watch the show to see how it was said. lol, pathethic really.

2011-10-13T05:00:00.000-07:00

dinner at home today was terrible. not only was it unpalatable in its highest discipline, i had one of the worst meals ever ALONE. no one to share my horror with.

Dinner meal
1) bowl of plain porridge
2) very oily omelette with onions
3) badly overcooked fish fillet (so bad that eating a stone will be a better choice)

my maid tried to 'spice' up the meal ratings by offering me a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice. well, it did made my meal slightly better but fuck that shit, it was poor. however, my survival instinct: hunger, preceded my mind and i took the shit food diligently down into my stomach. ahhh fuck me.

regret regret.

well, all is said and done, im just waiting for an hour to go by before i go to the gym. hope the acid in the juice expedites my digestion!

on an another note, my face feels oily. gross oily. i need to wash it soon.

okay, food coma setting in. im out.

2011-10-12T02:18:00.001-07:00

CARPENTERS.

karen carpenter, why?

her voice is resonating in mind. what a beau. what a waste. okay, itunes just shuffled my songs so im listening to lil wayne. why are songs these days so trashy. and lol, came across this photo. fucking cracks me up till now.

im speechless for now. may continue ranting later (later date?) aiyah. wa mhen zai, mai mhen wa.

2011-10-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

my stomach feels weird from the late night lays and twisties. fuck me.

the weekend is ending. it is sunday already. i am bored. my words are boring me. no word vomit for today. i want to soak up the air outside. i am worried for my ucas. i have no universities. i am fucked. i am really worried. i need a vacation. and a university. god save my soul.

bon iver calms me down.

i dont know what i am typing but this method of typing really saves a lot of time eh. its just about me me me me me, lol. and no shit, this is my blog. must be about me and whatever revolving around me. fucking bipolar.

my left wrist is still painful after 3 weeks. i am worried (again). the medicine is not working. my tummy is flopping. i want to do something. i feel like shit. my stomach still feels like shit. i think i need a shit. okay bye.

2011-08-26T11:06:00.001-07:00

been a while eh?

everything and everyone is changing really fast. some for the better, most for the worse. well, perhaps a change is not the correct term for the latter. i would say, revelations? throughout a span of 2 years littered with events, their false fronts degenerated and out with the devil!

son of satan. haha.

its great and in fact rather heartening to listen to stories from the shy since its really rare to hear those true words. hence, the word, shy. however, it did stir up a maelstrom of emotions and pastvspresent thoughts. it gets really scary and at times (like this), it scares the living soul out of my pathetic (but rather muscular, well-sculptured, stunning... hee hee, ego booster for myself) mortal shell.

at times, i do wish many events that occured, didnt occur at all but at the same time, i do wish that they occured in a more subtle manner and before the aftermath of real events that occured. woah, similan island really. i lost myself there. i feel like a king lear running in the rain now, mad man. but honestly, that was confusing.

lost myself in my own words and i lost track of time. its already 2.30 in the morning. i should be getting some well-awaited rest. my body is seriously lacking of it. okay, i shoud rest now.

wait, on another note.

jonathan lok. fuck you and your fucking your attitude. your senority in time wise in a camp does not make you any different from another national service man. you're a fucktard who takes your work too seriously and a jackass who thinks a clerk is an honourable job. so suck it up and fuck yourself in your anus if your pin size penis can reach that satan hole of yours.

haha. i had to let off some steam. that fucker made me angry today. bitch of a son.

2011-03-08T08:05:00.000-08:00

had a regular fifa 11 game with the guys. i think we are all getting much better in the game. i sound like a game geek eh? haha.

but anyway, its been a tiring day/week/weeks/month for me. i failed my driving test btw. its shit. no, let me emphasize on it, ITS SHIT. and rico's dad said it was pathetic.hahahaha. well, not on my failure but the fact that i took it so late in my life. heh :(

oh and i was taking a look at my body and hold and behold. IT IS DISGUSTING. the layers have formed and i dont want them to stay. they really look so gross. which is why, i may start on my diet/gym tmr onwards. tough journey ahead.

im slowing losing my focus. eyes are closing on me and i have to wake up in the morning for camp. i thought life after school will get better! however, it kinda took a uturn and went to shit.

its amazing how my vocabulary is reduced to a simple word called, 'shit'. dumb army.

and oh, i downloaded the bible app for my phone and read the whole book of gensis. i must say, some stuff in there were quite disturbing!!! like incest. quite shock that its in the bible. alright, forgive me for being ignorant but this is the first time im reading the old testament so yup, pardon my lack in bible knowledge.

my cough is starting to return but fret not! just took a gulp of codeine down! accompanying it with my fatigue level, it will knock me out pretty soon. woo hoo?

sians sians sians, camp tmr :( i've been out of camp that im dreading to go back once again. BUT, leave on friday! yay. hahahaha.

okay, it was a good day today. hope many will come. rico and aaron are practically food for all my senses less taste. i see them practically every other day! its kinda scary but cool at the same time. you get me huh? i can honestly say, they are part of my day to day events. eg. after work, meet rico and together we go and find aaron.

i think my parents are starting to get mad at how much time i spend at home. lol.

kk, i'll make it a point to stay home at least for 4 days next week. too much time out alr! alrights, i have typed my fill. heh.

2011-03-03T05:49:00.000-08:00

shit moment now. regular moodswings.

pissing the shit out of me now. everyone and everything. if you give me a knife now, i may just stab it into my table. see, violent but not that violent. i dont kill.

maybe it is because im just really tired. yes, it must be that.

its friday tomorrow though. so whoopie? but i have to be at changi SAF chalets at 8am for the stupidest reason ever. some army retreat. dumbest idea i have ever heard. why would anyone create this retreat at such a place? at fricking changi?! coastal shit area how about it.

uh oh. government may just hunt me now.

i need a longer break from army. a two days mc is too short a time. i need more more more. i need another pneumothroax. left or right. apical or non apical. i dont care. my eyes are chlorine damaged for the day. they are closing on me but i will not allow them to.

im just typing for the sake of timing and OH which reminds me. i had the weirdest weirdest weirdest dreams last night. 3 of them to be exact.

Dream #1: i was with this guy (Shall not be named here but here's a hint if you know me well, the guy is one who got together with my ex right after our break) at zirca 2nd floor. i have no idea why he's there with my friends but anyway, we were drinking and shit and he was finding every way to sabotage me. eg.putting shit in my drinks, stealing my phone and stuff. and i got pissed at him! confronted and we ended up being friends. weird as hell.

Dream#2: im was at zouk now. weird eh? from zirca to zouk. so i was with my friends drinking again and like this random hot girl (chindian, and I CAN TELL YOU HOW SHE LOOKS LIKE BUT I HAVE NEVER MET HER BEFORE) approached me and we chatted. then i had to leave to go to aaron's to stayover but like she kept bugging me no end like, dont go... lets go somewhere else and chat and stuff. then rico was like, eh we got to go off, and i didnt want to leave rico behind so i apologized and left with rico. WEIRD.

the third one is the weirdest and the most warped shit ever.

Dream#3: kk, now im at home, in my living room, drinking yet again with the guys and like a number of random girls i have never seen in my life. so i opened the cupboard next to the televison in the living room to get some cds and like i felt a pair of hands touching me in a very sensual manner (Freaky eh?). i turned and it was this girl (shall not be named as well, but hint, she's a friend of my ex which goes by the initial RY). honestly, i have no idea why she appeared in my dream but yeah, i was shocked and i started scolding her like literally blasting everything i got in her face. eg. what the fuck are you doing? you fat fuck and all the degrading remarks regarding her weight and size. urrgh gross.

disgusting dreams. must be the alcohol.

but yeah, i rejected 2 girls in my dreams lololololololol. but it was really revolting to dream such weird dreams.

ok im done.

2011-02-28T09:47:00.000-08:00

lol chase fail.

hownowbrowncow?

2011-02-22T11:17:00.001-08:00

2am and the rain is falling.... NOT

its actually 3.17am and i just got back from a soccer game with rico, rico's school mates and james. and as i expected, i suck at it. haha. BUT, i ran like one african bushman to make up for my incompetency in the game which left with left me with a bruised left foot.

its actually hurting more now. i really hope its a fracture which means MC LOH! haha. well, if it is, thanks kit. haha. i need to get more boot's spikes stomps! well, you might think, what the, how does that hurt? well, my running shoes are as light as my pair of boxes and the covering over my toes is akin to the thickness of a plaster. so yeah, feel my pain yoooo?

anyway, today was or rather, yesterday was an eventful day.

breakfast at rider's. brought back some fond memories eating over there, just that the menu was quite a shocker! the classy names for their breakfast dishes were replaced with their old description of it (eg. eggs, bacon... instead of egg's benedict or, 'the usual' instead of "the rider's breakfast".) memory lane brought back fail :(

came home, gym gym gym gym run run run, researched on unis AGAIN, driving heh :/ boring as hell, home, and out to meet rico and james for a supper which turned out to be a late night soccer date.

kk, its 3.30. not bad. i took like 13 mins to give you this word vomit. i wonder how i am going to survive in camp tmr. another BUT, tomorrow is excursion day AGAIN in my wonderful camp called safti shithole. we will be visiting changi chapel, changi battery and marina bay NEWater visitor site which means long bus ride, which means good sleep :) woohoo.

okay, crashing time.

2011-02-20T09:20:00.001-08:00

1.20am. some chit chat with james and rico at the carpark rooftop. the man is flying off this friday, another friend off to another country :/

hmm, at the brink.

maybe that was the intended plan. clueless, planless. you think everything is unfair but it actually is fair. reap what you sow. consequences and results not called for.

all wells, camp tomorrow again. its shit. everything there is a waste of my time. honestly speaking, i really hate my camp life even though it might seem like a good thing but in actual fact, it just sucks.

taking off on tues. hope it is a good decision to do so. i need a break but i dont want it be at the expense of my off records. my throat is hurting me. its been really dry for the month. im afraid that there might be more of a simple sore throat. i will get it checked out asap. dont really want to check it out late and then another bombshell like throat cancer pops out of no where.

okay, i really should get some rest. see you guys.

2011-02-20T03:25:00.000-08:00

the weather is a little hot these days. people are brewing up recently but sorry guys, i took the lead. you guys just have to follow behind me. bromance indeed.

i lost my paper on my university information. i think i will start all over again. fml. arrrgh!

beer shots was shit yesterday but the company was great. how do you take more than 26 shots without feeling like a puffer fish. it was poor man. the feeling of having a litre of beer in your tummy.

im speechless. my head is empty for now. will update soon i guess? heh.

2011-02-18T20:08:00.000-08:00

and the boy hugged his softest friend and said, "i love you little bee!"

:)

appreciating the little things in life. lol.

2011-02-17T04:34:00.000-08:00

hmm, i dont know what just happened but it was one sudden reversal. shocking? mmm, it is.

kk dont know what to expect?

2011-02-17T01:12:00.000-08:00

listen to the end by ellie goulding. its a good song. well, i just love it!

i cannot take it anymore. time for gym.

2011-02-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

hi guys, its the morning before going off to camp. feeling really bad now. dont know why. i dont feel like going to camp but who does anyway?

hmm, thinking stuff through and was wondering how long am i gonna last?

well, i have no idea how long and how am i going to continuing doing this. some days its a booster, other days, it drags me down like a sinking ship. i feel all so tired now and my train of thought keeps breaking up on me. i cannot type or blog or even do anything in the morning because at 6.40am in the morning, you are supposed to be asleep.

fucking army.

well, thats about it. i cannot blog in camp either cos blackberry os is a bitch which doesnt allow me to type anything in the blogger box. i dont know what to do. heh.

kk, anyway, hope you blogders have a nice day today.

2011-02-15T06:53:00.000-08:00

another sleepy day in camp. the longer i stay in camp, the more i feel that it is sucking the living soul out of me! i really hope for another minor lung collapse then woo hoo 2 weeks mc :)

kk, im just feeling really tired today.

well, wish me luck for the coming days.

2011-02-14T02:50:00.000-08:00

a heart of gold,
why did i let you wander.
teeming with life,
i drifted way further.

i've learnt my lesson hard.
now, there's no other way.
some say im just too late.
and i've lost you yesterday.

i'm sorry for everything,
let's have our past erased.
everything that is upsetting,
the good and the bad erased.

i'll start this over from scratch,
wooing you over again.
it wont be a smooth journey,
but i know i will succeed.

i will not give up.
i might even fail,
but i'll carry on.
because rachel khoo,

i love you so.

2011-02-13T06:27:00.000-08:00

hmm, today marks a new day.

an important race i need to participate. actually no, i'm already in it. my gear is on and i will burn the track as fast as how a knife cuts a slab of butter. no one is gonna stop me. my goal shimmers with every goodness on this earth.

i can see it. i can see the trophy. now i just have to go all way out and make sure the other racers do not leave any prints on it. im a dedicated racer. i know. hahahahaha.

okay, my race starts tmr. wish me luck, blogders!

2011-02-11T18:56:00.000-08:00

my day feels better. whoopy! its the morning!

my tummy feels bloated. my head a little groggy. my face a little oily. my hair a little messy. my breath a little stinky. basically, im gross. hahaha.

just woke up and was greeted by 'never be alone' by justice. awesome song. but im going to switch it to take me to the riot by STARS. lets go!!!

so bored. wish one of the guys will reply to my text. fuck.

2011-02-10T00:53:00.000-08:00

rico's mum laptop!

2011-02-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

should one have a plan?

if one should and the plan goes well. the success will be that of great rejoice. however, if the plan goes wrong, the failure will be double-folded. its a double-edged sword.

if one does not have a plan, a success will be attributed to the intelligence of the user as a goal can be achieved despite chaos. if its a failure, there will minimal or absolutely no attachment to the user, allowing the user to repeat without much frustration.

systematic vs chaotic

chaos wins this round. never have a plan. if something messes up along the way and your backup cannot support you, you fumble and fail. key point to note.

its 11:11. i wished i believed in this.

events never stop to disappoint me. one after another. they really love to stack. once again, i feel that i can hardly breathe. one goes, another comes. hmmm, actually, NO. they just keep coming.
im taking a two days self declared medical leave. i really need a break. im not eating well these days. in actual fact, i havent been myself lately but what the heck, im never at 100%. my body tries to purge whatever out of my system this morning but there's nothing to regurgitate because nothing actually did enter.

and its so digusting how i kept gagging the whole morning. literally and figuratively, i feel like im choked. anymore and there will be a pneumothroax relapse.

what a bleak day.

okay, im supposed to help my friend check out the suite at fullerton bay hotel. hmm. i will do it soon. well, honestly, i cbf to do it.

kk, i think i will just upload random photos from the pictures folder in my comp. old photos.

how you pronounce this. wait. how do you CHIsel and BIcycle. now say chibi.

2011-02-06T08:47:00.001-08:00

im an audio person.

songs in my itunes bring me back to memory lane. happier days with no worries. its 2011 chinese new year. however, everything remains status quo. they say time repairs/solves/resolves whatever underlying issues you have but i can faithfully and honestly tell you, it doesnt. whose bubble did i burst this time?

well, a further insight, no, actually, i will give you what i want to say instead of beating around the bush. im afraid of growing up. you might say, "just grow up, what's there to be afraid of" and this is when i tell you to look at the fine print and between the lines.

its not that easy. monetary issues will be the grave problem, followed by management of time and emotions. i can confidently tell you that life stops at 30. after that, you are living a life of a log, awaiting the arrival of your coffin which you will call home for a few days before being reduced to a pile of ash to be stored in an urn or feed for sea creatures.

gross much.

wow. yet another word vomit that reeks of depression. whats wrong with me. its chu 4, fourth day of the lunar new year and im feeling the pinch again. camp tomorrow isnt any much help either plus duty on wednesday. omg.

in addition, i have no idea who just implanted this notion of paranoial into me but i can tell you, you have succeeded greatly. im getting so suspicious and wary of almost everything around me. it is really scary. scary 'to the bone'. hahahahahahaha. kk, just thought of a family joke for 'to the bone' when i typed it out.

that cheers. woots.

okay, on the brighter side, i feel a surge in affinity with the guys. a great bunch of boys/men. you guys have commanded infinite of respect from me. cheesy it may sound, im glad that i have met you guys.

to wrap up the whole ( and i have never done this before as this amounts to a great deal of PDA and i'm a shy boy haha)

to my best girlfriend, rachel khoo, i'm thankful for you, i really am! and since you will probably be the only one reading this, i love you. arrow three insert.

finito.

2010-12-25T11:25:00.000-08:00

and i was wondering, what am i doing with my life. everyday, 24/7, 8-5, typing, stamping, doing the most non-military nonsense. national service does not instill any national pride. what pride is there in doing paper work?

okay, now, in the wee hours and after a stupid zouk night, i realised that i have plenty of stuff to catch up in my life. i will state them out in accordance to their importance.

1. study and register for ukcat
2. do more reading up on medical history/current medical news/anything with the prefix, med-
3. start my practical lessons on driving
4. finish my wall art

the new year is coming but these are too important for any new year's resolution. fuck that shit. i really need to settle these stuff. the more i think of my ukcat, the more afraid i am. im really worried about my university placing and the course im intending to take. however, am i really sure about studying medicine?

i really do not know. this is the part that scares the living shit out of me. and as you can see, i hardly blog, so this post is really unsettling me quite a bit and i hate it. i hate how the world and society is moving so bloody fast and everyone needs to be materialistic to survive. its fucking going against the laws of nature.

what happened to just the simple law of procreating for the ultimate survival in the wilderness. fuck man. why must man evolve to this extent. motherfuckers. i swear i will smash the man who found whats fire or invented the wheel. these motherfuckers just gave us the stepping stone to fuck our lives up.

as i have said in earlier, i mean really earlier posts, i really do want to live in the 1980's and early 90's. those years look really nice. dont ask me why but when i looked at my parents' photos, i just have this feeling that i will be happier then. or rather, it will be really interesting.

i dont know whats going in me but its just a mess up here. im confused. paranoid. worried. frustrated. this is really annoying. perhaps, i just need sleep. i really detest how people are telling me to do or what to do. the more they tell me, the more i feel less likely to do what i am told. i know im pretty fucked up. not obeying higher authority but i just dont know whats going on it me.

i fear im returning to the old days whereby the simple question, what's life?, causes a huge fucking wave of emotions in me.

its really late and there's pot luck at mandy's tomorrow for lunch. im really scrapping rock bottom at all ends. fml. and merry christmas and a happy new year. fuck off.

2010-10-03T07:00:00.001-07:00

4 months since i blogged. haha. wow. blogging used to be a daily affair but now, i guess its like a dollar whore. you use it only when you feel like it. not that i have ever visited one but yeah, its like a dollar whore.

kuan yew's wife left last night. sad day for the nation.

anyway, life's been good. quality of it improving drastically. kudos to whoever is doing this job for me. and now i m speechless once again.

fuck. im really losing touch in expressing myself.

2010-07-07T06:28:00.000-07:00

on the floor, next to speakers, itunes, life.

these few days have been, hmmm, eventful? hahahaha. pretty much. stayed home for most days but yes, they were eventful, creating milestones days. what can i say? there's a lot of things you can do at home if you are resourceful... really? really? really? hahahaha. going bonkers.

my wall is still have done. i have no idea what to put on the wall. my face perhaps? but that will be too retarded. i might as well hang a giant mirror there. i was thinking of smashed mirror bits on the wall but that means i need to smash a mirror which is 7 YEARS OF BAD LUCK. not going to risk years of shit for a nice wall.

im close to chow yun fatt god of gambler this week. piled a whole load of dough on holland vs uruguay match, poker last night and poker on saturday. hmm. hope lady luck is by my side!

msn just destroyed my chain of thought. sianess. i was really on a mega roll.

I REALLY HOPE CHANGI HOSPITAL CAN CALL ME ASAP TO COLLECT THE DOC'S MEMO TO DOWN PES TO PES E. ARRRGH.

2010-07-04T02:36:00.000-07:00

as i trudged forward with a heavy load on my back, helmet on my right and my armour vest on my right, i start to wonder... why am i doing this? the masses of green surged forward with much enthusiasm and pride and assembled on ground. i started to lag behind. however, i pushed forward and down came my bag which was twice as heavy as everyone's. i start to wonder again, why am i doing this, why must my field pack be heavier than everyone's?

and revelation found me. the reason will be BECAUSE IM NOT MARCHING. lol.

pop is great. well more or less. sat in a shelter for 6 hours and left on the first ferry out of fucking terror tekong.

i have no idea what i have achieved during these 9 weeks. friends yes. but anything else? fuck no. i still hate the whole national service thing. i dread every bit of it. especially the regimentation. honestly, i believe in mercenaries and outsourcing.

the army did not manage to brainwash me in bmt and they never will.

kk, enought of saf nonsense. im sick and tired of all these for the country's glory shit. being a soldier in singapore is just standard procedure of every male.

im FUCKING FAT NOW. SO FAT THAT ITS NOT FUNNY AT ALL. GOD SEND A LIGHTNING BOLT AND TURN MY FATS TO DUST PLEASE. help me please.

URRRGH. im speechless yet again. but once again, farewell fucking tekong. i hope murphy's law will never happen. if it does, i will really kill myself. urrgh.

2010-06-27T22:55:00.000-07:00

just another day filled with food and boredom. the breeze is good today. the weather looks nice.

see what i have become? a person who talks about the day. god. urrrgh. im really fat now. 71kg piece of walking meat. heh. the other day i went to shop with my sis and in the dressing room, topless, i looked at myself and it was disgusting. the mountains of lard on my torso. gross much. i want to puke now thinking of it. hahahaha.

exaggerated on that. but you get what i mean right! like the fats. at least i have yet to reach the layers stage. if i get to that stage, someone please stab me hard.

oh! i bought the world cup channel last night. hahahah. felt too jewish watching the germany vs england match outside liquid kitchen with dre and tiong yesterday. now i can watch the matches within comfort of my room, under my blanket. im feeling so proud of myself for subscribing the channel now. hahaha. so proud that i literally feel that a beam of light is shining upon me.

in the span of tying the paragraphs above, i have finished half a jar of nutella. hahaha. i have no idea why im such a glutton now. eating is my fav past time now. hmm, im really speechless once again.

oh if you guys or should i say if anyone is reading this post, checking this song vid out on youtube. im too lazy to post the link so jsut search this: put ya hands up by crookers.

the music video is interesting. trust me. fresh grounds that your eyes have yet to explore on.

SEARCHING FOR MY PEANUT BUTTER COOKIE. i wonder where it is huh. need it badly but i have been denied of it. its a painful thing for a sick man to be robbed of his hopes that his cookie will be delivered. spouting nonsense??? no no no. you know when you are part of this. haha. ogre.

fin.

2010-06-26T06:37:00.000-07:00

lol just ate marijuana. couldn't smoke because of busted lung but why waste?

2010-06-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

yet another day in my mc. oh and i got a 1day extension for my mc! hahaha, hooray? but i found out the air bubble in my left lung was caused by a puncture which resulted in a 10% collapse of the lung. fuck.

oh and i quit the devil leaves. they are bad and a cause of my condition.

hmm, im really too bored. went to serene and borrowed another 6 DVDs. going to spam it like a mad dog over the weekends. heh heh heh, dog panting.

i really wish my lungs will recover instantly like a cup of instant noodles? pour some hot water onto my chest and voila, CURE. but life doesnt take shortcuts and hell no, my lungs will not recover that way :(

and boredom took itself to another level today. i spent an hour eating blueberry cereals and pineapple tarts in front of a tv which is switched off. the process of putting the cereals into my mouth with my hands and crunching them really got me so captivated that it busted one hour off today.

another random thought. i dreamt i was dancing or rather like wushu kung fu shit dancing with a sword. i was pretty impressive in my dream like some madman slicing the air with my sabres while my sergeants looked at me in awe. and i hate it how my army sergeants are getting into my dreams. like wtf, see them the whole week, weekends sleeping time still need to meet them in my head. its too much.

burn them burn them.

my phone just gave me multiple zaps. not orgasmic types and not like i ever felt what an orgasm is like but you know what i mean... the zaps are like painful pinches.

god, sometimes, im so random its not even funny. in fact, i worry my worries which is worrying. !$%^&*( eyes are closing. shutting down people. enjoy life. kthxbai.

2010-06-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

im down with apical pnuemothorax. its a condition where there's an air bubble in your plueral cavity, a fluid-filled membrane that surrounds your lungs.

well, it hurt like fuck when it happened. that was the bad thing about this whole shit. the good parts of this whole event will probably be 12 days mc and pes e. hmmm, okay, too tired to type out anything that got to do with my lungs. fucking sianzepua if you get what i mean.

oh yesterday, i had this feeling that ran through me. a feeling filled with liberation like as if im rid of all troubles and responsibilities (ns in particular). it felt great and even though at that moment, i thought about army, it seemed so far away. hahahahha. i love my mc days. slugging at home and no opportunities for command school doesnt sound as bad as you think.

kk, tired as fuck now. need to rest. chest pains going down too. yay?

2010-06-05T02:15:00.000-07:00

its my weekly post. im sure all visitors to my blog have ceased but its alright. this is just my quiet place where i vomit all my thoughts. hmmm, so my days are filled with army but im not going to conform to the "army boy syndrome" where one just talks about army 24/7. i refuse.

met up with a good ol' bud last night at j8. been a while since i have tasted caramel ice blended from coffee bean and it was pretty good, i must say. mmm hmmm. lovin' it like how a rabbit loves its carrot. okay, i have no idea how that example turned out here but just imagine how much i enjoyed my caramel drink last night.

im really speechless. army has rendered my brain useless.

my life been good on the weekends. no more the emo/depressed/wtf person anymore. yay, thumbs up! haha. thinking about it, its really stupid but it was a good learning point i supposed? yeah, i learnt to mind block. its a damm good skill if you are in shit. just block off whatever you dont want to process in your head. you might be thinking, wtf, thats simple as shit. but noooooooo, you put yourself in a rock bottom, people fucking you 360 degrees situation and you will realise that you are stuck like glue in your troubles.

applause please for my new attribute in my life.

i shall continue on whats going in my mind soon. the tiong beckons me to town.

2010-05-29T19:52:00.000-07:00

i love the sound of a siren that goes, "CAT 1".

i have no idea what that stands for but to me, its heaven. well, heaven in relative to the hell im enduring in tekong island.

army makes me stupid. i can feel myself becoming more and more inadequate in areas that require your mental processing. at times, army makes me feel being an enemy of the state is better than a soldier.

urrgh, im really living for the weekends.

cant wait for the time where i stop wearing green. soon soon soon.

2010-05-15T20:12:00.000-07:00

i hate the army. national service just greatly reduced my love for singapore.

i'm suffering a pimple attack. i'm black and digusting. i'm wearing green half the time. my tan and the uniform make a great camouflage already. thats how black i am now. every minute now is precious, inching closer and closer to my book in time at 2pm. its 11.15am now. urrrgh. :(

i miss everything and everyone so badly. even my toilet bowl seat feels like its gold when i used it.

BB LOVES

2010-04-25T12:15:00.001-07:00

i throw a little fit,
i slit my teenage wrist.

i have no idea why the lyrics of get your gunn by marilyn manson got stuck in my head. a very scary thought. i think the coffee is taking effect, im feeling tired now.

2010-04-23T21:23:00.001-07:00

i had a bad dream last night. dont feel like talking about it but just so you guys know, it was something that i dread happening in reality. however, its inevitable, its going to happen sooner or later. its a face it or break it issue for me.

some self-consolation? let's just live the life now.

had a really lethargic and lazy tennis session with james earlier this morning and it really drained the living soul out of me. i feel possessed now. possessed by a fat lazy spirit. im so lazy now that the thought of showering seems like a difficult task. haha. that's how gross i become after exercise in the morning.

escape me by tiesto just became my no.1 song AGAIN. and on a really random note, shutter island became my no.1 movie as of now.

insanity plagues me. i had a discussion/talk with my bolster last night. queer queer queer, remove my fear, less i turned into beer.

!@#$%^&*345v5cwrhuchweurhhrw gibberish, how my life is turning into, a pack of nonsense.

2010-04-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

doug's food was quite good today even though his linguine needed more salt but it was good. kudos to you, kit piao. haha.

and, i love my bros. just love man. just love.

2010-04-21T04:50:00.000-07:00

got some news today. it wasnt totally credible but i have a gut feeling that it is. mixed feelings on it. i have no idea, im not supposed to care since i have no reins left in this matter. haiyo. was expecting it anyway, it wasnt hard to guess.

thinking about it, the puzzle is solved more or less. the reason for the very late realization of an issue is screaming out clearly, right in my face.

life just took another free pass to shit.

2010-04-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

i should really stop alcohol. its a damm double-edged sword. the temporal effects will definitely be an infinite surge of happiness but when i get to sober up, i get to this fucking low stage. its not how i envisioned my clubbing nights to end up. there's simply no rhyme or reason why im feeling this way now but i just feel really terrible.

sometimes, when you look back, you wished you didnt pick the chosen path but its too late. what's done is done, its irreversible. there's absolutely nothing you can do to change what have been made. there's a vacuum in me, yet there's something yearning for more. these rapid fluctuations in me are causing so much trouble or maybe its just plain me.

external influence opposes my actions. these fucking collisions are not helping me either. its really difficult to be in the same flow as the public. i want to get out of this mess.

2010-04-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

history repeats itself. what more can i say? goodluck to you man, dont make the same mistakes i did.

so 13 days more till legal slavery off the coast of singapore.

im really bored. i think should finish up my wall today. urrgh. bored bored.

2010-04-14T05:56:00.000-07:00

im still have yet to recover completely from the blesphemeous act conducted on Good friday. so bad. and i dont know, this box is cursed.

its making me moody.

2010-04-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

my freedom is shorting. my nation wants me locked up in an island called pulau tekong. the world is just another playground, so let it be.

thinking about it again, i have no idea why you sent that mail. i'll just wait here for the reply. this situation is like digging a grave, taking out a half rotten corpse, leave it around to expedite its decomposition and then burying it again. well, this just stinks.

im going to really put my heart and finish up or rather start on my wall. i have been procastinating for such a long time.

okay, i really need someone who is free to talk to now. ah tiong ah.

2010-04-11T03:19:00.000-07:00

just watched i pronunced you chuck and larry and i really wish i could i say im alright with gays but no, i'm not.

my head feels light. i feel fat and guilty from eating a lot of junk lately. time to hit the gym. im bored ass typing this. pls find me things to do.

2010-04-09T09:01:00.001-07:00

i met Dharni at zirca. hahaahahahahhahahaha.

he's fucking awesome.

2010-04-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

im just feeling really lethargic now. so sick, so sick but i cannot sleep. i hope i dont die. i want to be well asap.

nothing is really going into my head now. its really hard to type. i need my rest.

2010-04-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

my world is spinning. my body is weak. dont think too much, im just sick.

i saw applegirl, my lee friend. i love 1:35 onwards of the video. hahahahahahahahahaha.

i wish someone can come now and save me from influenza. fucking virus.

2010-04-04T07:24:00.001-07:00

im feeling so fucked now. one nostril is leaking, the other is blocked, bad sore throat and an oncoming fever. i bet this is retribution from God after i came up with the sinful 'holy communion' whereby we loaded our systems with wine and bread till we purge everything out.

my acidic puke destroyed my throat. like literally sizzle whatever tissues there, giving me the worst sore throat ever. :(

next time, no more blesphemous stuff anymore. lesson learnt.

2010-03-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

"woke up this morning feeling fine, there's something special on my mind. last night i met a new girl in the neighbourhood, woah yeah" this was stuck in my head for the whole day.

lunch at guthrie, dinner at serene. im eating out too much. need to save money, funds are running dangerously low.

im speechless.

2010-03-29T04:13:00.001-07:00

ahhh how can i forget? the devil didnt just give the leaves to me, he brokered a deal with me. a deadly contract. not in black and white but a form within celestial boundaries. its difficult to breach this contract unless you're the ghost-rider! plus, a church which can afford over 300 million for a convention hall. its scary to breach such a contract having a wealthy ministry behind the back of the devil.

hmmm. so how do i do this?

well, i guess i will cheat subtly if you know what i mean. i guess not. hahahaha. eh, but this is not too ambiguous, a friend got the whole devil and leaves shit. if you dont get it, i dont care too much too, just fucking figure it out for yourself. follow the rules of natural selection.

oh, got my ib diploma sheet today. its depressing taking another look at my scores. it reads, "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE HARDWORKING AND STUDIOUS DURING SCHOOL"

however, thank god, that fucked up moment was quickly buried with inspirational quotes like "sticks and stones may break your bones but words do not hurt me" and "lightning does not strike at the same place twice" hahaha.

but nothing trumps doug's "juice on you". HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i just love it.

great day. the mohawk gang... little kids, fear us because the rama is no longer one of you guys or is he still? i have no idea, ask my fellow mohawk lee.

2010-03-26T23:02:00.000-07:00

i dont understand how did ken loi remix of tiesto's knock you out won the remix competittion. its fucking bad compared to mysto & pizzi's.

a strong fan of msyto&pizzi!!! their beats are wicked sick. check them out on youtube.

and im so bloated from an entire day of feasting. tummy in a really bad state now. i shouldnt have eaten porridge at thomson after my dinner. haha. but all wells, shared it with the guys.

2010-03-26T10:09:00.001-07:00

the devil came up to me, knocking on my door. it asked me, "hey, whats up, take these leaves!". with pride, i took them and happiness followed. great satisfaction was what i had throughout the days possessing the devil's leaves. however, facial disfiguration happened to drop by and an army of angels came storming by. they grabbed hold of the devil's leaves and turned it into dust.

i've seen the light, my friends. quit is the word.

2010-03-23T22:59:00.000-07:00

FUCK LA, I DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF PAINT THE PAINTERS USED TO PAINT MY WALL. THE WALL IS RESISTENT TO ALL STICKY TAPES. WTF. HOW AM I GOING TO PASTE MY STENCILS ON THEM IF I CANT STICK THEM ON.

SCOTCH TAPE, MASKING TAPE, THE GREY KIDNAPPER TAPE AND CARGO BOX TAPE. TRIED THEM ALL. WHATS NEXT?

URRGH.

2010-03-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

apple apple, where's my zapple.
wary wary, who's this mary.
tennis tennis, play with dennis.
jolly jolly, i love my lolly.
weed weed, why no seed.
cow cow, no milk how.
queer queer, no more peer.
lee lee, need to pee.
bored bored, oh my lord.

i think you understand how i feel now.

2010-03-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

just finished hercules, the disney cartoon and it got me so hyped up about greek gods that i went on a wiki madness on them. im so gearing up for clash of the titans coming out on 1st of april. haha.

news from overseas pissed the living shit out of me. still brooding over it. in actual fact, im pretty much annoyed now. however, a change of mood, its been such a long time since i have felt this way. burn bitch burn. triple alliteration served straight up to you.

to fuel this lousy day, i failed my btt today. cb to the brim. haiya. and i wasted 40 bucks more because i lost this voucher to buy cordless phones for the house. today sucks.

well, something positive to this is i had lunch with shah. i guess that lightens the heavy shit i experienced today. kk.

my funds are depleting and i still have yet to get a reply from the pple i applied my job at. urrgh. i really need a miracle to happen. i dont know what type of miracle im wishing for but i really want a bloody good news to pop by. preferably now please. however, such stuff just dont work.

a whole year of 11.11am/pm of wishing for better grades and all i got was nonsense grades. hahaha. i guess, hardwork is my new faith? ecck.

but still, im holding on to this wish that i was actually meant for something bigger, much bigger. and someone will come to me, tell me that and my whole life will change completely. hahaha. BOY, FAT HOPE. sometimes, i just think of so much shit that it baffles me. how did i gather so much time?

"good company pays off"- peng.

hahahaha. another wishful thinking. maybe, just maybe, if i end each post with a quote, someday someone will come by, decides to take my quotes and give me commission for them. i hope. like Alice said in Alice in Wonderland, "Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast".

2010-03-19T11:18:00.001-07:00

i just love the internet. its a place where it is unforgiving towards your privacy and that makes finding the background of someone a piece of cake. so kids, dont lie because the internet keeps none.

that sums up what i did for the past hour.

2010-03-19T01:42:00.000-07:00

the buildings are changing their clothes. my estate looks like a morgue from far. we are changing as of yet. too fast for you, too fast.

my days are getting shorter as time goes by. im trying my best to fill up each day with whatever activities i can find. yesterday, i spent my the day surfing fail blog and the day before, fmylife.com. haha. THATS HOW FUCKING LAME IM BECOMING.

oh and last night, i stumbled upon this site. hahaha. it was quite interesting and time consuming. it tells you advice on dating places, dating tips, meaning of different type of kisses, parts of the body to kiss and a whole load of the grossest shit ever. hahahahahaha. it just cracked me up pretty bad last night. hmmm, kk, thinking about it, its really a wtf-no-lifer kind of thing to do.

and right now, im waiting for hercules, the disney cartoon, to load on youku. and random fact, hercules is called 大力士 in mandarin. didnt really know that a few mintues ago. heh, something new for you guys.

eh more random fact. on weekdays, sentosa is a ghost town by 10.30 pm. so word of advice, dont go there and make a fool of yourself by thinking the whole island is a 7-11. haha. went there last night with my cousin and it was fucked up but at least finding our way from imbiah lookout to cafe del mar was fun. tiring but scouts kinda fun.

fuck la. im turning to something/someone really disgusting. cartoons, dating tips, enjoying the process of navigating my way through a map... wtf.

urrgh. need a refresh button here.

2010-03-17T21:34:00.001-07:00

"im on the pursuit of happiness and i know, everything that shines aint always gonna be gold..."

i just into the pursuit of happiness by kid cudi. haha. its good shit. everyone's moving on fast! lets not waste any time. lets go.

now, that was random.

2010-03-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

panadol flu max is kicking in fast. im feeling lethargic now. its been a really long time since i felt this way. lethargy equals a good sleep which is something i have yet to experience since the end of ib. fucking ib.

watching something on the colossal squid on discovery. its pretty interesting how fucking huge it is. haha. its fascinating, seriously. i wonder how it will taste like on a massive grill. sotong baka anyone? i think thats roasted squid in malay. god, how i miss malay food.

speaking of roasted squid, my daily routine before i sleep is to dream about food. no wonder its difficult to sleep every night.

another random fact. sandboarding trumps snowboarding anytime. it looks cooler. haha.

fuck la. its hard to type with my tired mind.

2010-03-13T21:29:00.001-08:00

my hands are cold, icy cold. i have no idea why they are feeling this way but they are. weird indeed, considering its quite hot out there now. okay, i have no idea why i decided to blog now. i have nothing to write. im pretty much speechless. ehh?

And looking why i have typed, this post started off in a very random note so errr, i shall just be mother random in this post just to kill some time. hmm, usual meet up with the guys yesterday in town before we all headed home. gymed in the evening and was so bored that i called tiong out for yet another night meeting at braddell. haha.

a very unhealthy meeting. well, its always unhealthy, what the hell.

kk, my legs are starting to chill up. what's happening to me!!! its 1.30pm now, a little past noon and im freezing up.

"i see london, i see sam's town..." sam's town by the killers reminds me of the mugging days for O's. fucked up days.

its time for a long drag on my last fag.

2010-03-12T05:38:00.000-08:00

im trying to make the most out of the current jack neo's tryst, trying to get as much excitement and enthusiasm out from my gut.

thats how bored i am.

2010-03-11T06:01:00.003-08:00

okay, the hottie on my desktop got to go. its too weird. hahaha. welcome back bruce. you're my idol.

i gymed too much today. really dying from it. so tired that my fingers are dying. blog more tomorrow la wa la wa la lalalala.

2010-03-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

just came back from clarke quay and the clubbing session with sam, dj and arun was poor. really poor. major penis fest and i was sleepy. hahaha. i think the latter mostly contributed to this lousy night.

clubbing is a waste of money. all you need is itunes, zulu software, some speakers and alcohol. i need sleep now. urrgh.

oh and the best part of the whole night is me switching on my comp and seeing hottie on my desktop. she's dead gorgeous. hahaha.

2010-03-09T23:53:00.000-08:00

quite the hot stuff. melanie thierry.

2010-03-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

escape me by dj tiesto is the best song in the world. haha.

today was fun :)

talking shit with dj for the whole day, that was fun. hahaha. he's one mega trash talker. good trash though, good trash. haha. but a kiddy palace boy, nonetheless. haha.

met up with rico and the rest and had one of the major lamp post hang out ever with rico and i being the lamp posts for the couples. haha. pretty amazing how they can absorbed in their own worlds with people around. respect.

had chili crab at the ong's and headed home. today is great. one of the best days ever in this year. im a happy man now. hope this will repeat itself tomorrow.

very glad.

oh and when i went to my comp desktop, i expected to see bruce as my wall paper but then, there stood this gorgeous beauty looking at me. awwwwww. makes me feel great? haha. i love today la.

2010-03-07T07:18:00.001-08:00

last night was poor man. really poor. i drank so much that when i woke up today, i was still high. hahahahaha. this is the first time im experiencing it! hahahaha. the 'high' kinda died off at 10pm. which is almost 24 hrs since i started the drinking rampage yesterday.

so tuition today was cancelled AGAIN but im quite sure there will be one tomorrow for my xcore student who parties more than me despite the fact that he's still schooling. what a douche. he's going to die for his exams. haha. kk, back to what happened today.

hmmm, just went to town with some of the guys, aaron left to deal with some problem and we landed at liat starbucks once again. hahaha. and you might be thinking, perhaps a coffee or two over conversations filled with laughter? NO SUCH THING. haha. practically, for a whole solid hour or so, there was complete silence. we were all stoning in our individual worlds till chew came and the silence was broken for a moment and we were back again to silence.

haha. i just <3 stoning

wrap it all up. quite lazy to type it all out. dre and tiong came over for sushi dinner, stoning in the room listening to itunes, dre slept, tiong and i fucked him up while he was sleeping, everyone left for their homes and im here typing this.

and i kept my promise or whatever i said in the previous post. this is definitely a word vomit. okay, maybe not so but this is my space so whatever i say is final. no challenge. i win. dictator peng wins once again.

urrgh. i ate trash today.

2010-03-06T04:43:00.001-08:00

staying home today while the world parties.

at least i have my songs to accompany me. haha. i trimmed my hair today and its quite fucked up. actually, very fucked up. its a bush. arrugh. im sick of typing here. it bores me to the bone. well, everything does these days.

2010-03-04T09:46:00.000-08:00

life is getting more and more pissing. urrgh. update on my life soon. will be a major word vomit.

2010-03-02T04:37:00.001-08:00

okay, today is the only day without an owning from either of my parents. well, the night is still young. haha. so i should not keep my hopes high? hahaha.

hmm, my gym diet took a dive down with garlic naan and chicken marinated with cheese for lunch, pepper lunch for snack and more home food for dinner. fuck. haha. i just let myself go for the day.

so, life's been bad these days. hais. but thank god for my guys out there. keeping me sane.

people do change and we cannot expect them to return to their old self. well, why be retrospective when your future is filled with meaningless fame? hahaha. im going mad. wherever did that come out from.

2010-02-28T03:17:00.000-08:00

got fucked by my dad earlier. haha. im getting fucked everyday that its becoming a daily routine. im pretty sure that i have a slot dedicated to getting fucked each day. boo hoo.

the daily ownage is starting to tickle my funny bone.

okay, on the other hand, i wished i took up commandos. in that way, i will be in the army which means
1) not getting fucked by parents
2) income
3) getting buff

i expected life to ease out after ib but noooooo. trouble just keeps coming. knnzxzxzxz.

lets lay it out to you how my life went from shit (during the ib exams) to my current fucked up stage.

1) made a plan to work in mum's office from january onwards but got forced to work during mid dec instead. arrgh.

2) started complaining while working in mum's office during dec and got my mum on her nerves.

3) got owned quite bad by mum and then fired

4) decided to stay out late for consecutive days and parents didnt like it

5) attitude dad because he was being an annoying prick and he started to feel that his pride bubble was on the brink of bursting.

6) went out without telling parents and got fucked when i returned. (this is quite a major fault my me) hais, regret.

7) went to cut skinhead mohawk and dad compounded all his burst ego and passed the verdict that i was insolent by doing the hairstyle.

8) dad pushed blame to mum and mum owned me hard.

9) got fucked by dad earlier.

HAHAHA. dont you like my life after exams.

2010-02-27T20:50:00.000-08:00

i swear i keep getting fucked. arrgh. i really hate my current situation now. im constantly in shit.

need someone to save me asap.

2010-02-26T11:23:00.000-08:00

its been really long since i blogged. i know i always start off the same for every post but its true, i only blog when i feel like it and these days, the 'feeling' comes once in a blue moon like today.

yeah, quite fucked up now. got owned by my mum because she got pressured by my dad to own me. i know you dont understand how this works but to me, it makes perfect sense. somehow or another, im the trouble kid in the family now. quite annoying at how i ended up to this state. i really need to find myself a scapegoat or something.

this owning does not end here. im quite sure the main course will be tomorrow. dread dread dread. hate the feeling of being owned by my parents. who doesnt?

well, i really hope its the fierce kind of owning. i will gladly trade it over with the emotional blackmail nonsense. kk, my life is no longer shit anymore. i have no idea what it has turned to.

urrgh.

i was thinking this... i may be rash but whatever. if my parents plan to keep me home all the time, i will do it. like seriously, i will just trade it off with everything to stay home. this applies to my bloody national service. imagine going AWOL from the army because of this incident. that will be rather epic. 10k fine or 8 months in prison or both i think? okay, im getting rash.

i have no idea. fuck man. i hate 2010. just as much as 2009. fucking waste of my emotional capacity in my brain. oh, not to mention my fucking time.

life is fucking hard to deal with. dont you know that?

2010-02-03T09:46:00.001-08:00

i have broke everything from the previous post thanks to abel, tiong and aaron. i made a promise to myself and i broke it. with that, it spirals me to another issue which i have too made a pledge on it and yet again, i broke it.

its not that easy to forgo what happened these time. my god, im going into the same shit i dread to get into again. time and again, this must haunt me. i know i didnt want it to leave me the last time but from now onwards, i really want to make a point to get over this. its futile to go any further as i was at the opposite end of this situation before. its not cool, its defintely not.

i hate alcohol.

2010-02-01T08:47:00.001-08:00

I QUIT TOBACCO AND ALCOHOL.

no more ice blast, bensons, winston, black menthol or mild 7.
no more grey goose, flaming lambo, chivas, tequilla or v.s.o.p.
fuck you guys, i dont need you.

meet my new friends...
1) tasteless chicken breast
2) tasteless vegetables
3) dumb bells
4) track shoes
5) swimming goggles
6) swim wear
7) whey

its time for a new change. bruce lee & taeyang ftw

2010-01-30T21:31:00.000-08:00

last night was fun??? was persuading dre to ask allie out for the longest time. hahaha. waited at least 2 hours for it to happen and when it did, cupid came and struck them with arrows. love was in the air. kk, whatever, hope their day out goes well. hahaha.

slept late and woke up late. its my basic routine now and blearh, i have to give tuition at 3. siansssssss. why so far at yio chu kang.

oh and im going to quit smoking on monday, im bent on this. monday being first of feb will be the start of a fresher peng.

2010-01-28T23:35:00.000-08:00

so tired now. came home after dropping my cheque off and i caught my maid watching the tele in my room. yeah, pretty scary. hahaha. she gave that bloody annoying guilty face, just hate that face. i want to kill her. nonsense bitch.

so its the 4th day into my hardcore tasteless chicken breast and vegetable diet. its so tasteless that you can actually taste the water that was used to boil it. blearh. this is to make up for the fats in taiwan so, no complaints.

plus today was just a failed errand day. i was supposed to go to the driving centre to register after dropping the cheque off but i forgot to bring cash out with me to register so i had to return home to get the money and thats when i caught my lazy maid skiving. now, im too lazy to go all the way to eunos to register even though there's a straight bus there. i hate a fail day.

here is original plan.
1) toa payoh to drop off cheque
2) eunos to register driving
3) town at 6.30 to meet dre and dont know who else to make a bday vid for jia
4) off to dinner with the beasts at funan at 7.30, not too sure on it yet though.

SIANS.

2010-01-23T02:14:00.000-08:00

the poolside looks good, may go for a swim later. i have so much things to do on my mind but im just too lazy to carry them out. haha. lazy as usual?

and again, im too lazy to blog. i think i will just give up, odds are just too high. disappointed with myself but others think its the better option. the more sensible one. so i'll just go with the majority. i hope this is not a mistake, not another self-jack moment. haha.

oh tutoring tai rong now, my tennis junior. he's really a joker, this is what he said on out first lesson, "eh clock in an additional hour so my mum can give you extra cash" hahahahahaha. tempted but it will be quite asshole to get paid extra for nothing. haha. so i said no! praise me pple.

well, the first lesson was not too bad and i learnt something from him too. pretty cool eh. i think i should be like him, more or less. haha. kk, i really want to get out of the house.

2010-01-22T21:59:00.000-08:00

okay, i think its a lost cause now but im just going to try try try try. haiya.

2010-01-22T04:42:00.000-08:00

lack of sleep makes me puke. just played l4d2 with the guys after zouk. haha. im dying now. like really dying. mind drifting away real fast. haiya. so much to say but my fingers arent cooperating. tmr i blog,

2010-01-21T08:15:00.000-08:00

plauged with fatigue. time passes really slow. annoyed at the stupidest things. the results of lack of sleep. bad bad. need rest now.

2010-01-19T06:36:00.001-08:00

tiong's tennis charity event was not too bad. haha. abel and i could have won it!!!! but whatever, didnt really care about winning the match. haha. besides, the opponents were so serious about it. what penises.

and omg, had a really bad dream last night. here it goes, i was with a friend and i had this sickled shaped knife and my friend asked to kill him and this is what he said, "give me a clean death". so i ran the knife over his throat and he died. the next part is the killer part!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I CUT MY OWN THROAT. the worst part was that i slit my throat at a wierd angle so only half my throat took the real damage. imagine this, half your throat is gone and the other is a minor flesh wound. i could feel the searing pain, couldnt breathe and to top it all up, i had fainting spells. it was mother terrible. i woke up and felt like someone just resuscitated me. bad feeling.

perhaps now i know how slitting your throat feels like. its bad. dont ever try it if you are thinking of committing suicide. haha.

kk, need to sleep early. gym with yun feng tmr.

2010-01-17T09:07:00.000-08:00

had a great dinner with the guys tonight. and happy 19th birthday dre! haha. hope you have a blast throughout the year.

and yeah, my chest hurt pretty bad now. really painful. the same old pain is back. its really really really really very painful and it kills. it really kills. oh some updates on my life? mm, gonna train abel tennis tmr to compete on tues night. haha. what a joke. i swear we will be slaughtered on the court but the competition is for charity so all wells.

oh and yeah, pretty good, josh giving me his student for tuition after he's done tutoring. good good. a promising new beginning since i got fired from my mum's firm. haha.

and im not as flickered minded anymore i think? im going to stick by my decision this time. no more going back even if obstacles stand my way. if there are obstacles, hell yeah im going to bulldoze them till im beaten flat. im not backing down, not this time. onwards! keeping this as low as possible, in hope that it might be successful. as you can see, being very annoyingly ambiguous here.

haha, im sorry. im doing this by myself now, well more or less. so if it fails, i can only blame myself. time is running short though. hais. its hard, its hard but i will try. i said i wont back down and i think i should really keep up to my words. sounds like some inspirational stuff eh? not exactly.

i will keep my spirits up till the absolute shit comes.

2010-01-16T20:15:00.000-08:00

had a really bad sleep last night. couldnt sleep at all. hmmm, my mum told me its because im thinking too much and she advised me to stop.

last shot, nothing to lose anyway. what can be worse than this. stubborn path im choosing, hope all goes well.

2010-01-16T06:08:00.000-08:00

i sneezed so hard that my chest and back ache now. pretty xcore sneeze eh! haha. and the 5 mins of sneezing really took away all my energy. now i feel like a dead cat. meow.

whats done is done but there's a fear of letting it all go. you're given full liberty to do so, but do you want to?

2010-01-10T08:18:00.000-08:00

a 'bloop' of high hopes.

haha. the world doesnt revolve around you, peng. tsk tsk.

hmm, today was eventful and exhausting. well, work terror starts tmr. bad job, really bad job. the pay is good nonetheless but the time wasted there is painful. ):

okay, im feeling a need to spill my guts out here. haha, not literally. imagine if i mean it literally! it will be really disturbing, ileum, colon, rectum, stomach all flowing out onto this black keyboard with bits of bile sizzling. ewww, gross. kk, back on track, hmmm, spill my guts? whats there to spill about! its been long since this was done. like 3 months? maybe 4? who knows?

god, that was some multiple ???s up there. speaks of grave confusion in the peng's mind. lalala. my wannabe-taeyang plan is still on its way! well, more of the arm and the shoulders than the abs ): his abs are just too god-ly. bleah, soon soon, i will be popping it down for you guys and shouting korean in your ears!

chicken rice an hour ago was good. or rather, just the chicken and fu yong. nicey wisey, feels good in my tummy gummy. okay, just realised i have yet to type anything constructive. hyeah. thats my new sigh by the way.

okay, life's been bad. not going my way for many things. well, plenty of it but im not going to state it or else i will just go into this depression spiral. not good. dont intend to go that way. so AIYAH, I HAVE NO CLUE!!!!

to end this post in a nice way, i thnak you for whatever you have done. not making much sense, but i hope this thank will be replied with a you're welcome to make me feel like some nice boy.

that was some massive nonsense. hope you enjoy, you know who you are. actually, i made up the previous sentence. haha, i dont even know who this is for. aiyah, for fun la. hahahhahahaha. i love myself, some additions to my self-absorbed self?

kk, bye bye bye bye byeb ye.

2010-01-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

quirky lady indeed. presenting Imogen Heap. hide & seek by her is a really good song. download and listen to it. hmmmm, the "mmm, whatcha say" part from whatcha say by Jason derulo is from Hide & Seek by her!!!

haha. kk, bet you guys are just wtf. whatever, just go and listen to her songs. speeding cars by her is nice too :)))

i am working now. really bored and bored, bored, bored, bored. i wish imogen is right next to me, giving me a live performance of Hide & Seek.

2010-01-02T06:38:00.000-08:00

i wasted my whole day lazing at home. its saturday. haiya. everything is going so fast and slow. okay, i make no sense. haha. its like somedays, time passes so fast and at other times, it passes so slowly. its really confusing.

feeling really lost and alone now. i just need another vacation. guilt consistently fills me. guilt that is not supposed to exist. fear contributes its fair share and well again, its should not be here. im rid of all bounds but yet, i feel like im being pulled back, hard.

its another period, a passing phase that never returns, i really hope so. bitter nostalgia. lets not dwell in such darkness.

2010-01-01T05:53:00.001-08:00

feeling all so tired from new year's. body aching, eyes blood-shot, just in a horrible mess. urrgh. my eyes are playing tricks on me. the golden blink on my phone from the lack of battery turns red sometimes at the corner of my eye. what tricks.

hais. 2010. what a way to start a year. im not excited at all to meet this new year. soy joy people.

im speechless. owl city's songs still make me happy or better. hmm. the ib results are out in a week's time. little afraid, not at all excited, im just confused. pondering about it, its not getting the results i dread but its more of the renuion of the whole cohort. i dont know whats wrong with me but im starting to dislike anything that is filled with energy.

maybe, im just too tired for such stuff. get me a couch in a corner.

this new year is fucked up.

2009-12-28T19:41:00.001-08:00

its been a while since i posted anything. pardon me for that. been really busy over the christmas season and work at my mum's. im turning so nostalgic now from listening to Owl City's songs. hahaha. i have no idea why i feel that way.

hmm, it reminds me of my pointless days and when i was free, without work. so what have i been doing? im back to my sec 1 gaming days. got hooked on l4d2 and got sick of it so now im trying out dota. haha. well, gaming now is not as fun back then. dont ask me why. the feel to game is just not there. i will choose gym/going out over gaming anytime but gaming definitely trumps work. in fact, everything trumps working.

hais. trapped here in this prision. :((

2009-12-24T10:05:00.000-08:00

even the season of giving does not spare me one bit. i think i should really disappear and really make a point to do that now.

2009-12-17T08:56:00.001-08:00

okay, i quit. tmr, i will throw them all away in front of a witness. i cannot do this anymore!

i miss my bitch chelvan jordan.

2009-12-15T18:26:00.000-08:00

woke up at 9 this morning and i thought to myself, "fuck, another day of work" but as my morning stupor wore off, i realised i took a day off today (with a pay cut nevertheless). you have no idea how many times my heart leapt over my ribcage and back.

today feels like a good day. a little too sunny but i can deal with it. :)

alrights time to paint and tennis later with sha and the sa team. haha.

2009-12-15T08:16:00.001-08:00

my work life at my mum's just got way better.

i know i made a plan to make life difficult for everyone in my mum's office since i got robbed of my slacking at home but i didnt expect it to happen so fast!!! my direct boss was or still is pissed off with me today with my work attitude which was reflected on the lousy bills i generated. haha.

but i swear to God, the files i did today were HONEST MISTAKES! like the idea of making life difficult for others didnt occur to me today and BAMM, my plan is working fine. heh heh heh. fucking cunts all.

in actual fact, i have yet to start on my plan. which is actually pretty scary. unintentional fucking people's life up. wow. didnt know i had the calibre to do so.

achievement gained for the day.

2009-12-14T19:02:00.000-08:00

done with my work. nothing much to do in the office. pretty boring, heh.

so tired from sleeping late. okay. i will sleep early from tmr onwards! but aiyah dont know. feeling like poo now.

2009-12-13T18:39:00.000-08:00

WORK AT MY MUM'S IS REALLY DRY AND BORING!

blogging at my mum's firm. work just got worse when my friends decided to quit because their pay were low. urrgh. fml, seriously.

): this is not cool at all. ): ): ): ): ): ): ): )))))))))): )::::::::::::::

):

2009-12-11T14:52:00.000-08:00

was reading my previous posts. okay, a number of them. and yes, i sound like an emotional psychopath who is incapable of controlling whatever emotions. which is slightly true. but for the past few days, i have been pretty much normal.

a lot of work at my mum's firm but firends working with me really pulled my spirits up. kudos to you guys. im really confused now. is this a distraction/divertion from the real problem or is this actually plain recovery.

you might think this is really stupid. well, it really does sound stupid. but its not as stupid as it gets when you're in the center on it.

last night/this morning really made me think this situation is graver than i than i thought. you can say its a discovery as all along i thought what kept me from leaving was something really superficial or maybe thats what i forced myself to think to make me feel better. whatever it is, this discovery just made this problem or situation harder to rid.

i dont know whether this is good or bad. all my friends dread this. i know this is unhealthy but there's this part in me which really wants to stick with this. i keep projecting unrealistic situations in my head. its time to face facts but how do i do this? the facts are given straight into my face. i acknowledge their presence but i do nothing with it.

my mind is just not working in unison like how it used to. its jumbled up in all orientations. its like a major knot that one cannot undo. i just need my buds right now. where are you guys? pls appear or something.

2009-12-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

i feel all so disgusted with myself. the filth. urrgh. seriously, i have no idea where my life is heading. it just keeps getting worse. its time i find some guidance or something.

i need you guys man. come back quick.

2009-12-07T08:14:00.001-08:00

hung out with the same group of pple (but with a little addition today)yesterday at the same place. had some white wine instead of champagne.

talked for a bit. well, they did most of the talking about this online game called blackshot. got me intrigued and shit so i just downloaded it but its not working. aiyah. what a crap. even a random game goes against me. whats next?

slave work at my mum's firm was just fucking disgusting and smelly. hate it. not literally smelly but its just really annoying that i have to trudge all the way to clarke quay and waste my life on some monotonous nonsense. honestly speaking, i dont think i learned anything new today.

save me from this slavery.

everything is pretty much the same. im just really glad and thankful that i have friends out that who really understand me. i think i will end off you. dont really have the mood to do anything right now plus the thought of going to work tomorrow is a fucking turn off.

after my exams and i still have to face such nonesense. what is life turning into? forced to work and fuck, on top of my own problems. tsk. at times like this, you really wish the world ends in 2012 or a stupid thought of suicide sounds like a plausible idea.

2009-12-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

a little champagne and shi sha over a chat with some old buds did the trick for the day.

listening to owl city. quite like their genre.

pretty boring now eh? my life. was mulling over it with my friend the whole time with town but not too bad, he shared some experiences with me. lesson there. hahaha. he gave a rather queer but logical analogy about a dog. well, its based on karma. hahah. like he doesnt believe in karma. i'll try to recall.

like there's no such thing as karma. its just that you treat people differently and they treat you differently and you think its karma working against you.

so here goes. its like you're chasing a dog, you chased it all the way till this dead end. what does the dog do? it will turn back and bite a fucking chunk of you. this happens when you behave differently in front of others and you leave them no options but to make the situation ugly.

so heres an analogy to keep in mind? hah.

2009-12-04T05:20:00.000-08:00

singapore is still the same. boring as ever. and i thought taiwan was boring midway. haiyah. back to my boring life with problems still bugging me.

pssst.

2009-12-01T04:56:00.000-08:00

taiwan now. eating a lot of nonsense street food.

i cannot escape this ever-troubling problem that made its place in my head. its forever bugging me. i dont know. once again, im at a dead end. i have no where to go or run. to top it all up, the walls are closing on me and i can hardly breathe right now.

where can i go to?

im not sure whether you understand what im going through. where's my help???i really regret the path i chose. where's your fucking foresight, fool?

2009-11-23T18:35:00.001-08:00

my life stinks.